The Winter of Our Discontent...

Here's the thing about self-sufficient living: Living in the country is nothing like those glossy magazines would have you believe. Nothing will go right. You do not have enough money to remodel that "beautiful old house with original details". That shiny SUV you bought when you left the city (because country folk need SUV's right?) will need many, many (expensive) repairs at the hands of an inexperienced village mechanic. The locals won't speak to you but they will charge you three times what the locals pay for the same service. Your garden will fail and you will find yourself, at times, more lonely than you could ever have imagined. All my dreams were made sitting in Barnes and Noble, flipping through Country Living Magazine, sipping designer coffee. When I told my friends and coworkers that I was moving to the countryside, they called me a Renaissance Woman and envied me my good fortune. What we all failed to see is that life outside the city is more like The Money Pit than Green Acres.

By the winter of 2005/2006 my marriage was on the rocks. I would like to blame the house, she was after all more demanding than a mistress, but that was not the case. I am sure that living in three small rooms with two small children and a (by now angry and discontented) adult son played its part, but that was only a small measure of the problems that had taken our once rock solid marriage and pounded it to dust. What passed between us is no longer important. This is the story of how my children and I came back from the edge, not the rehash of a story you have heard too often.

After the divorce I would lie in bed, staring at the repairs that needed to be made, and wonder what the hell I was thinking when I bought this place? It was going to be our own private paradise. Free from a mortgage we were supposed to be a happy family, living well, self-sufficient, no more money worries. But nothing had gone right from the first day. Nothing. Seven years on I was still frustrated and anxious (and now a single parent with two little girls to provide for). I still spent too much time worrying about money (on the day of my divorce I had $42 to my name), hiding how bad things were from my children and, for a while, running from one health problem to another. Selling the house was not an option because at least here there is no rent to pay. I became momentarily paralyzed by fear. But time passed (as it does) and eventually I found myself, if not stronger, then more resilient. I put away my anger, and despair, and made a conscious decision to improve my life.

It is January 2011. I am alone in my country dream house with two children to support. My son is long gone (destination unknown), my ex is remarried and living in a centrally heated home in a nearby city. I have been unemployed (outside the home)for many years, still have not made a single friend in the village....and I don't have a car. But I am still standing. Call me optimistic but today I am pouring through seed catalogs and planning my vegetable garden for Spring.

I have no idea what I am doing but at least this time I acknowledge that. I sold my glossy country life books and have given away my back copies of Mother Earth (I found nothing of any real use in that magazine). I now borrow DIY manuals from the library and spend hours researching ways to "do it myself". And here dear reader is where you find me eight years on... back at the beginning.

This blog will detail my joys and disappointments, my successes and my failures. I will try to be as honest as I can. If you have a comment please feel free to leave me a message. I ask only that you keep your replies civil.