As the weather has been so brutally cold these past few weeks I have found myself developing cabin fever. So on Saturday, as a way to relieve the boredom, I decided to go to Lowes and pick out some paint for the exterior of the house. This would only take about half an hour of my day which would leave me time to do a little shopping before returning home to feed the dogs.

At 2pm I was standing at in the paint department, deciding if I wanted to play it safe and go with "Boring Tan" or "Blah Beige" (as advised by a local Realtor) when along came "Bob" (not his real name). Smiling brightly Bob pulled himself up to his full height (of about 5'2"), adjusted his belt, and launched into his intro:

"You don't want paint"

"I don't?" I responded somewhat startled, after all, I had been pretty sure I did.

"Nope. What you want is vinyl siding. It will improve the exterior of your house, it's easy to clean, and best of all it will add value to your property".

Before I could say "satin finish", I had been wisked away to the building supply section where I spent the next two hours fondling vinyl siding samples in an assortment of colours.

Now "Bob" didn't come across as a very good salesman (he tended to wander off in his thoughts and mumbled a bit) but I was willing to hear his pitch because - I was in Lowes and a sales person was trying to assist me! A rare thing indeed.

Even though I knew I wasn't in the market for vinyl siding, I listened dutifully as he explained how easy it was to apply, how much I was going to save, square footage per box and all that other stuff I should care about but don't... And before I knew it, it was 4pm and I still hadn't got my paint chips. Making excuses and insisting on now much I hate vinyl siding made no difference, Bob had me captive... and he knew it. Eventually, seeing my reluctance to buy vinyl siding, he made the lateral (and bold) move towards replacement windows. Poor Bob, if only he could see the state of my bank account. But wait, he has an answer to that too, Lowes Special Project Loans (also known as a credit card).

Bob explained to me, in great depth and detail, the benefits of Lowes windows. He raced up and down aisles pointing out first one style and then another. He broke into a selling frenzy when I mentioned that I had 27 windows. He was unstoppable. When I explained that I simply didn't have the money to replace them he laughed as one might at a simpleton. I did, he replied, if I would only consider the benefits of vinyl siding, all that money saved (on paint alone) would pay for the windows. I'm not sure where Bob went to school but I couldn't make those numbers work.

An hour into his windows presentation I began to sway. I had dressed for below freezing temperatures, not the (now) oppressive heat of a store. I tore open my coat, dragged my scarf from around my neck and started to fan myself with vinyl siding literature. Bob took my striping as a sign to push forward. He took his pitch up a notch handing me glossy brochures and price lists. I was beginning to get giddy. I found myself agreeing to his suggestions. Nodding at overpriced options. Accepting more and more pieces of paper. Thinking seriously about having them send someone out to "measure me up".

Finally, Bob regretfully informed me that his shift was over but if I came back on Monday he could help me some more. Coming to my senses, I saw my escape! I ran for it. Frazzled and sweaty, pausing only briefly to grab a handful of paint samples, I made it to freedom. On the drive home I giggled at the situation. I really, really hate vinyl siding. Did he truly think I was one of those people who could be easily influenced?

It was 7pm when I got home. I lay the paint samples before me and decided that I am tired of playing it safe. I was going to pick the dark blue/grey shade for the exterior and maybe paint the doors a glossy red. Pleased that I had escaped from Lowes in one piece, and had finally made a firm decision about the renovations to the house, I tossed away the brochures I wouldn't be using. I could already hear the neighbours declaring that the house had never looked better. A bidding war would ensue over ownership of my beautifully painted house. Oh yes, I was pleased with myself.

The dogs grumbled something about what time do you call this, and what's for dinner as I pushed them outside for their early evening walk. Standing at the back door a thought struck me.... vinyl siding might not be such a bad idea and the house sure could use some new windows...